Escape from the Lair of the Krampus - TEASER

You stand in ankle deep snow across the street from the orphanage, the midnight moon casting its silver light across the quiet northern town.  You check the note again:

Season’s Greetings, Adventurers!

Santa has a very important mission for you.  Meet Santa across the street from the orphanage at midnight.

-Santa Claus

The note is brief and cryptic, but the ornate, flowing script seems to call to you from the depths of your childhood memories.  The whole thing is absurd, yet you hold out hope that it can be real.  

Just then, you hear the faint jingling of bells behind you.  Out of the shadows steps a tall man in a long, red, fur-trimmed cloak, leaning on a crooked staff of holly.  “Ho, ho, ho!” He laughs, his thick white beard tumbling out over the clasp of his cloak like an avalanche.  A warm feeling comes over you, the cold of the snow completely forgotten.  It is Santa!

“Santa is glad you came, brave adventurers!” Santa begins.  “You are familiar with the Krampus?  The diabolic holiday spirit who punishes naughty children?  Santa’s elves report that the Krampus has been getting a tad… overzealous lately.  It seems it is much easier to land on his naughty list than Santa’s!  Ho, ho, ho!  Well now, Santa’s bag has been stolen, and the elves suspect the Krampus.  Santa can’t deliver presents without that bag!  This is where you come in.  Santa needs you to get captured by the Krampus and search his lair for my bag.  If you find it, escape and bring it back to Santa.

“How will you be caught by the Krampus, you ask?  Well, you’ll just have to do something particularly naughty.  Which brings us to this orphanage…”

There's no post today because, as I mentioned last week, I'm working on a Holiday one-shot adventure called Escape from the Lair of the Krampus.  The adventure is designed for 4-6 seventh-level characters, and it will be available on this website as a PDF sometime later this week next week, because it's taking me longer than I expected.  

If you're a GM on the lookout for a Holiday adventure for your group, check back later this next week!  If you are in my gaming group, I will be running this game for you later, so maybe don't check back.  

-your naughty d20 despot

Monster Monday: Figgy Pudding - The Holiday Monster that Really Brings It.

'Tis the season for holiday-themed D&D adventures!  You've heard of the deadly black pudding, but today's Monster Monday is its lesser-known Christmastime cousin, the Figgy Pudding, a truly terrifying dessert wreathed in alcoholic flames that are sure to fill you with seasonal warmth.

illustration by Kent Hamilton

Consider this a preview of next week's post: a short little one-shot Holiday dungeon crawl I'm calling ESCAPE FROM THE LAIR OF THE KRAMPUS!

The following text in gold is available as Open Game Content under the OGL. Open Game Content is (C)2014 Jonah Bomgaars.

Sandbox Campaign Part 12: "We're Getting the Band Back Together!"

It's been a while since we last saw The Graverobbers, the famous adventuring party in my sandbox campaign.  You may want to refresh your memory.  As it has been over a year since the last session of this campaign, I thought it fitting to rejoin the party members a little over a year after Sigrid and Hardrig's wedding.  

Kat awoke, as she so often did, to the noonday sun right in her face.  She grumbled death threats to whatever hotel architect put a skylight right above the penthouse bed.  She looked over and saw a man sleeping in the bed next to her.  She didn't remember his name.  All in all, a normal start to the day for one of the most popular bards in Karcerinburg, capital city of the Kaldish Empire.  As she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, she spotted a note that had been slipped under her door.  She ran over to read it.

It said, in a practiced, lunate hand:

The note:

Kat - 

You are in grave danger! Gather the others, meet me tonight at the center of the hedge maze, before the Moon Maiden reaches her height.

-C

Kat was elated.  The note must be from Chernyx, the undead rogue/cleric of the Moon Maiden who had befriended the party, and whom Kat had killed and raised from the dead.  She ran to the bed to kick the mystery man out of her room, but as she did so she saw a shadow fall across the bed.  Seconds later, the leaded glass panes shatterd and a black-garbed figure leapt nimbly down onto the bed, brandishing two shortswords menacingly.

The Swashbuckler - A New Base Class

I really like swashbucklers as a class, and I was disappointed with Pathfinder for a while because the closest thing to a swashbuckler they had was a lackluster rogue archetype.  Of course, I made my own homebrewed conversion of the swashbuckler from Complete Warrior for use with Pathfinder rules.  Then, a few months ago, Paizo released the Advanced Class Guide, promising ten new classes based on combining other existing classes, including a swashbuckler!  Well, that's out now, and the swashbuckler is the only one I've looked at, and... I don't really like it.

We've got a problem right off the bat in that the swashbuckler is a combination of the fighter and the gunslinger, and I don't like the gunslinger.  It's not just because of the fact that the feel of the gunslinger is totally wrong for most campaign settings, it's also that I don't like their Grit ability.  I'm okay with the 'pool' mechanic for magical or mystical abilities, like the Magus' Arcane Pool or the Monk's Ki Pool, but not with physical abilities.  If I'm playing a gunslinger and I ever say to myself "Oh, I can't do that cool thing I do with my guns because I haven't scored a critical hit or a killing blow recently," that would take me out of my character.  It's a gamey mechanic and it feels wrong and 4th-edition-y.  Well, the new swashbuckler class uses a similar mechanic called 'panache', which is just terrible.  "Sorry, I can't perform that deed right now, I don't have enough panache," said no swashbuckler ever.  Aside from that, the class is generally pretty boring.

Naturally, I decided I would do a blogpost introducing my homebrewed swashbuckler to the world.  I opened it up to look it over, and immediately changed my mind.  My old swashbuckler was basically a word-for-word copy of the swash from Complete Warrior with a few modifications and the ability to take rogue talents.  So I scrapped it and built a new, original swashbuckler base-class from scratch!

Illustration by Kent Hamilton

The following text in gold and the associated table is available as Open Game Content under the OGL. Open Game Content is (C)2014 Jonah Bomgaars.

How to Run Naval Combat, Part 1

London, British Library, Royal MS 10 E. IV, fol. 19r

The general public's knowledge of Medieval naval combat probably derives from pirate movies and swashbuckling adventures, things centuries removed in setting and technology from the Middle Ages.  So how did people fight at sea in the Middle Ages, and how can we use that knowledge to make naval combat in D&D more interesting?  Well, not to brag, but I've recently written an award-winning Master's thesis on medieval naval warfare, and I'm obviously an expert on D&D because I run this blog, so allow me to drop some knowledge on you.

First, let me say that I know historical accuracy is not what a lot of people are looking for in their D&D game.  I would never recommend sacrificing fun on the altar of scholarly pedantry.  But when you look into it, adding a dash of accuracy can actually make things more interesting - as it turns out, people in the past really knew what they were doing.  Today, I'll talk about how naval combat worked in the Middle Ages, dispelling a few myths and anachronisms.  In a later post, I'll talk about how to mesh that information into a world where magic and monsters are very real things.

Conquistador Campaign

We awoke to the smell of smoke, one of the scariest things you can wake up to on a ship except for the feeling of rushing water or the lookout's cries of "KRAKEN!"  We ran abovedecks and saw, to our relief and astonishment, that the smoke was not coming from our ship.  Before us loomed the coast of the New World, and the horizon was on fire.

"Go back to sleep, they're just burning the jungle back," said one of the crew dismissively.  "We'll be at Paradiso in the morning."

Our party consisted of three people: Scoria Stoneturner, a dwarven archaeologist who was coming to find her missing thesis supervisor, Professor Alfonse Stonescribe; Pico de Gallo, a foppish changeling swashbuckler with delusions of glory; and Quetzalcoatl, a brightly coloured tengu ranger who would be our native guide.

Pictured?       via poohadventures.wikia

Regardless of our personal goals, we (well, we two non-natives) had been drawn to the New World with the promise of streets paved with gold, glory and riches free for the taking, and, most importantly, absolutely no snakes or spiders.  As we stepped off the dock that morning, we realized that the New World might have been oversold a little.  Paradiso was a grimy town dominated by massive smelting furnaces constantly belching acrid smoke into the air.  No matter how many Perception checks we made, we couldn't detect a single gold paving stone.  But we did see an army of downtrodden workers collecting charcoal from last night's jungle burn to feed the insatiable furnaces.  The main conflict in our homeland and its colonies was between the rationalist mages, who want to study the treasures of the New World and investigate the natives' magic system, and the Church of Horus, which seeks out native magic items, disenchants them, and melts them down into relics for the glory of the Church.  It was clear which party held sway here in Paradiso.

Monster Monday - Embalming Ooze and Pickled Zombie Template

Earlier this week I released a one-shot nautical horror adventure called Horrors of the Floating Garden.  Some of the monsters therein are pickled zombies, the reanimated corpses of preserved biological specimens.  I neglected to include the template I created for pickled zombies, so I'm presenting it here along with a sample pickled dire rat and an entirely new monster that creates pickled zombies out of the corpses of those it slays.

The curators at the British Natural History Museum insisted that this was not the star spawn of Cthulhu

The following text in gold is available as Open Game Content under the OGL. Open Game Content is (C)2014 Jonah Bomgaars.