Cursed Items for April Fooling Your PCs

Hi all! Today is the 7th anniversary of d20 Despot's founding! And while I've been on hiatus for the last few years (because I still haven't gotten used to working from home), I will not let this anniversary go unmarked!

Traditionally we've done hilarious April Fools goofs on this most foolish of days, but the world isn't doing great right now and I don't feel like deceiving you even for a good good gag. But that doesn't mean you can't deceive your players! With that in mind, I've crafted a selection of cursed items for all you devious GMs who love pranking your players. If you're running a remote, social distancing game tonight, try slipping your party fighter a potion of hill giant intelligence!

Before I get to the goods, a little update: back in 2018 I was hired as a freelancer by Petersen Games to work on some 5th edition Cthulhu Mythos adventures. These adventures run from 1st to 15th level and are split across 4 books. The first of these Cthulhu Sagas, Ghoul Island, is available now (book 1 is for sale, books 2-4 are up for preorder). I was a junior developer on that one. I was made lead developer on the next adventure, Yig Snake Granddaddy, the first book of which will be released in May! I wrote the whole dang thing and I'm really proud of it. It's got dinosaurs and eldritch abominations and mummified cats!

Ok, on to the good stuff. The following items are available as Open Game Content under the 5th Edition OGL. Open Game Content is ©2020 Jonah Bomgaars. Yeah that's right, I switched to 5th Edition. Get used to it, because it's way, way easier to work with as a developer than Pathfinder (I haven't tried out Pathfinder 2 yet, so don't rule that out).

Bag of Scolding
Wondrous item, rare
This otherwise normal and functional bag of holding is cursed so that whenever you open it to store or retrieve an item, a stern voice from within the bag loudly berates you for your every perceived slight and mistake in a voice that is clearly audible for a 100 foot radius. Casting remove curse on the bag before opening it silences the voice for 1 minute.

Boots of Slipping
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement)
These fine boots appear to all inspection to be boots of speed, and function as such the first time you use them after attuning to them.
   Curse. These boots are cursed, a fact that is revealed only when an identify spell is cast on them. Attuning to the boots curses you until you are targeted by the remove curse spell or similar magic. The boots cannot be removed by any means until the curse is lifted. Each time you activate the boots of slipping (after the first time), the boots duplicate the effects of a grease spell on the ground centered on yourself, with a spell save DC of 13. They do not increase your walking speed. Each time you take the Dash or Disengage action, there is a 50% chance that the boots activate by themselves.

Gloves of Sticky Fingers
Wondrous item, uncommon
These gloves are invisible when worn. While wearing them, you gain a +5 bonus to Dexterity (Sleight of Hand) checks and Dexterity checks made to pick locks. They appear to be gloves of thievery and an identify spell reveals them to be such.
   Curse. These gloves are cursed, a fact that is revealed only after attuning to them. Wearing the gloves curses you until you are targeted by the remove curse spell or similar magic. The boots cannot be removed by any means until the curse is lifted. Whenever you touch a creature that is not you or an object that does not belong to you, alchemical pads in the gloves release a small dose of quick-drying sovereign glue that takes only 6 seconds to set. Dispelling the curse does not break the bond of the glue.

Hat of Conspicuous Disguise
Wondrous item, uncommon (requires attunement)
While wearing this hat, you can use an action to cast the disguise self spell from it at will. The spell ends if the hat is removed. The hat always takes a form that would be completely inappropriate for the disguise, such as a floppy purple jester's cap, a neon yellow sombrero, or a bird's nest complete with chirping, illusory birds.

Manual of Medical Misinformation
Wondrous item, very rare
This book contains health and diet tips, and its words are charged with magic. It appears to all inspection to be a manual of bodily health, and an identify spell reveals it to be such. But the book is actually full of harmful misinformation: recipes for detoxifying weight-loss tea enemas, diagrams of jade yoni egg rituals, and conspiracy theories about how healing potions cause autism. If you spend 48 hours over a period of 6 days or fewer studying the book's contents and practicing its guidelines, your Constitution score decreases by 2. This decrease can be removed with a remove curse spell or similar magic. This insidious book never loses its magic.

Necklace of Prayer Bees
Wondrous item, rare (requires attunement by a cleric, druid, or paladin)
This necklace has 1d4 + 2 magic beads made from black pearl and yellow topaz. It appears to all non-magical inspection to be a necklace of prayer beads.
   Curse. This necklace is cursed, a fact that is revealed only when an identify spell is cast on it. Attuning to the necklace curses you until you are targeted by the remove curse spell or similar magic. While cursed, you cannot remove the necklace by any means. Each bead on the necklace seems to contain a beneficial spell that you can cast as a bonus action, like those on a necklace of prayer beads, but activating a bead only summons a swarm of wasps which attacks you relentlessly until it is destroyed. Once a magic bead is activated, that bead can't be used again until the next dawn. If all the beads are activated before the next dawn, the necklace crumbles into a pile of desiccated bee exoskeletons and the curse is broken.

Potion of Hill Giant Intelligence
Potion, uncommon
This concoction looks, smells, and tastes like a potion of hill giant strength. However, it is actually a cursed potion masked by illusion magic. An identify spell reveals its true nature.
   If you drink it, your Intelligence score changes to 5. At the end of 1 hour, you must succeed on a DC 10 Intelligence saving throw or the effect becomes permanent. A remove curse spell or similar magic ends this effect and restores your Intelligence score to normal. This potion only affects humanoids and giants.

Happy April Fools Day!
Stay safe and healthy out there - you are all my favorite people.

-your social distancing d20 despot

Four New Magic Weapon Abilities - Armor Piercing, Biting, Reaching, and Sundering

The four magic weapon abilities presented below are so simple yet so useful that I am surprised they haven't been made yet.  The first two, armor piercing and biting, alter the traditional +1 to hit/+1 to damage formula; armor piercing grants +2 to hit and +0 to damage while biting does the opposite.  It is a pretty basic trade off, but one that adds a greater degree of customization when creating a magic weapon.  After all, sometimes you just don't need that extra boost to damage but you want to be able to hit more often, or vice versa.

The reaching weapon sprouted from d20 despot artist-in-residence Kent Hamilton's head, and it seems to me to be incredibly useful.  The ability to add 5 ft. of reach at a moment's notice adds a lot of versatility to a given weapon.  The sundering ability is inspired by Sauron of The Lord of the Rings and the White Walkers from Game of Thrones, both of whom are supernaturally good at breaking swords.  It basically gives you the Improved Sunder feat plus double damage against objects, which should allow the wielder to hack away armor, shatter swords, and bash down doors with ease.

The following material given in gold text and its accompanying table is available as Open Game Content under the OGL.  Open Game Content is ©2016 Jonah Bomgaars.

ARMOR PIERCING                +1 BONUS

Aura: faint transmutation          CL 8^th

An armor piercing weapon gains a +2 enhancement bonus on attack rolls. 

Construction Requirements

Craft Magic Arms and Armor, true strike

BITING                          +1 BONUS

Aura: faint transmutation          CL 8^th

A biting weapon gains a +2 enhancement bonus on damage rolls.   

Construction Requirements

Craft Magic Arms and Armor, inflict light wounds or magic weapon

REACHING                   +1 BONUS

Aura: moderate transmutation CL 10^th

As a swift action reaching weapon can extend to gain an extra 5 feet of reach.  The weapon can be retracted again as a free action.  Hafted weapons (such as spears, axes, and maces) only threaten the final square of their reach, but weapons with a greater effective portion (such as swords, daggers, and quarterstaves) threaten all squares within their reach.  Reaching can only be applied to melee weapons.  This enhancement can be applied multiple times to the same weapon; each time it increases the weapon’s reach by 5 feet, and the wielder chooses the weapon’s length within that range each time it extends or retracts. 

Construction Requirements

Craft Magic Arms and Armor, enlarge person

SUNDERING                            +2 BONUS

Aura: moderate transmutation CL 10^th

A sundering weapon is particularly effective against inanimate objects.  It grants its wielder a +2 bonus on sunder combat maneuvers and such maneuvers never provoke attacks of opportunity when made with this weapon.  In addition, a sundering weapon deals double damage against objects. 

Construction Requirements

Craft Magic Arms and Armor, break or shatter

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My ideal name for the biting ability would have been wounding, but that has already been taken by an ability that deals 1 point of bleed damage.  Alas.

-your biting d20 despot

Sandbox Campaign Part 7: Kill Wighty

This is part 7 of my ongoing account of the sandbox campaign I am currently running.  Updates are frequent, if irregular, and at the end of each post I talk about one or more subjects pertaining to the adventure but more broadly applicable to all campaigns.  You can find the previous parts here.

After a 16-hour rest, the party followed the only path remaining: deeper into the tomb.  They discovered a bottomless tankard of ale in a sarcophagus and another room that was mostly destroyed by a cave in.  After passing through some rubble, they came to a large set of double doors.  Beyond them was a massive stone vault filled with dwarven sarcophagi, one wall broken out into an adjoining cavern by a collapsed pillar.  Prowling the rows of the dead were a small pack of ghoul wolves and two skeletal ogres dragging greatclubs.  At the far end of the room stood  a skeletal grizzly bear and a dwarven barrow wight adorned in ancient bronze chainmail and wrought torcs, bearing Orc-Gutter (+1 dwarven waraxe, deals additional 1d3 points of bleed damage to creatures of the orc subtype).  Beneath the ethereal blue lights that dimly illuminated the hall, he challenged the party: "I am Chief Krannax.  I was the first dwarf to walk these halls, and I will be the last."