Deep in the Candy Cane Forest, with Christmas fast approaching, a party of adventurers awaited the arrival of Santa Claus. They were: Kevin McCallister, a dwarven cleric obsessed with Santa; Holly Goodcheer, The Fist of Christmas, a festive monk who spoke like an old Jewish grandmother from New Jersey but who could overwhelm any enemy with a flurry of blows from her cold iron nutcracker nun-chucks; Missile Toebreaker, a half orc druid who loved fire; Candycane McClane, a tough-as-nails halfling barbarian who could punch well above his weight class; and Roger Dudley, aka "The Gingerbread Man", a dashing rogue who wore his heart on his sleeve.
When Santa arrived, he explained the dire situation. Krampus had begun stealing any children he could get his hands on, naughty or nice. He had become a liability and needed to be stopped. Santa explained that the Holiday Spirit Accords of 943 prohibited him or his helpers from entering Krampus' lair, but with a knowing wink he suggested that the adventurers could certainly seek out Krampus and bind him in chains, if they wanted. He also, conveniently, dropped a set of magical chains that someone could use to bind Krampus once he was knocked unconscious. After explaining that Krampus had taken up residence in Mount Krumpet, Santa gave them the name of a dwarf who could tell them more: Nunavut Octavius, an old prospector who was washed up on the Island of Recalled Toys.
With that, Santa set the party on their way. They traveled via ice floe (as everyone seems to do in the Arctic Ocean) to the island and were greeted by a plushie owlbear with pink polka-dots, who showed them around the ramshackle town. They saw strange toys walking those gingerbread streets: dolls with too many arms, rolling toys with square wheels, toy knights wearing wizard hats, Elmos that refused to be tickled, and other such rejected playthings. They asked the owlbear what was wrong with him, and he just grumbled a disparaging remark about Inspector #27.
He showed them to The Windup, the only bar on the island, which Nunavut Octavius was known to frequent. The dwarf, nursing a misprinted commemorative lead mug full of winter ale, told them that he had once prospected Mount Krumpet and found that it was full of caves and tunnels. He said there were two entrances he knew of, one to the south near the village of Whomburg, and one to the north, guarded by an abominable snowman. He warned them to avoid Whomburg, which, he said, was full of Gruunsch worshippers. While he told them about Gruunsch, the green orcish deity that was said to have stolen Christmas, Kevin tried to order several plates of roast beast and a gallon of mulled wine. The bartender - a tin monkey with a wind-up key in his forehead - would only move for a few seconds each wind, so Missile got behind the counter and continuously cranked the barkeep while it fixed Kevin's hearty repast.
As they prepared to head out, Nunavut told them once more to avoid Whomburg and go the northern route. He told them that his brother, Northwest Territories Lucinius, had been killed by an abominable snowman, and he asked the party if they could bring back his pickaxe. The party, however, had already decided to head for Whomburg. They crossed the strait and followed the road down south until they were overlooking the halfling town. Then the party had an idea. An awful idea. Based on what they had learned of the Gruunsch from Nunavut, they decided to dress the half orc Missile Toebreaker up as a devotee of Gruunsch and ride into town. Roger got out his disguise kit and dressed Missile up in an I Heart Gruunsch T-shirt with some Gruunsch-grunge flannel and ripped jeans, and stuck some antlers on his head.
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| Sadly, the T-shirt was two sizes too small. |
